City Weekly · Opinion
Trump’s thirst for Greenland sounds different when Salt Lake City is in the crosshairs of a foreign tyrant.
Taking a Gander
Wire report—1/20/2026 In a move that many people, the best people, are calling the greatest real estate play in the history of the Middle Kingdom, President Xi Jinping announced today that China is officially looking to acquire Salt Lake City. Not as an ally, not as a trading partner, but as a province of The People's Republic of China.
While Salt Lakers are choking at the proposal, the Chinese leader is trying to allay their fears. "What’s happening in Salt Lake is a disaster," Xi said, speaking from a gaudy golden podium while wearing a red tie that reached several inches below his beltline.
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This is a 600 character excerpt. Read the full story at City Weekly, where it was published on January 21, 2026.
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